


Tears

by falloutphan_7341



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Comfort, Crying, F/M, Gen, I don't exactly gloss over it, Implied/Referenced Character Death, also clearly spoilers for the end of season 8, but I don't go any more in-depth than canon does, does michelle dying count as major character death?, i mean she died in canon already so, there we go that's the tag i needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutphan_7341/pseuds/falloutphan_7341
Summary: While the team is dealing with quite a bit of emotional turmoil, Eric flashes back on all of the times he's comforted Nell while she's cried.





	Tears

**Author's Note:**

> \---Spoilers for the season 8 finale---  
> This started out as a self-indulgent headcanon and ended up turning into this. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: since apparently indenting doesn't work, flashbacks are preceded and followed by "~~~~~~".

Eric hasn’t always been the best at comforting Nell, but over the years he’s gotten pretty damn good at it, if he does say so himself. The first time he saw Nell cry was when he came back from his first undercover assignment, the one where he almost got frelted (he still despised the word—really more of a portmanteau of “frozen” and “melted”—that Deeks had coined, even though it described the situation perfectly). When he walked into Ops after changing out of his FAA windbreaker and slacks and back into his t-shirt and shorts, he found Nell with her arms folded on the desk, her head resting on her forearms, and her entire body shaking.

~~~~~~  
“Hey, are you okay?” Eric said, worry seeping into his voice.  
Nell sniffed, not lifting her head from the desk. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbled, her voice trembling slightly. “Just tired.”  
Eric didn’t believe her for one second. He was pretty sure she was crying; he wanted to say No you’re not and hug her, but he didn’t want to risk making her upset. “Are you sure?” he asked instead.  
Nell took a shaky breath and nodded, still not lifting her head up. Eric didn’t press any further, sitting down at his desk. About two minutes later, Nell excused herself and came back with the skin around her eyes still tinged red.  
~~~~~~

She’d cried in front of him a few times after that, but most of those she was able to calm herself down pretty fast. He’d use the time she almost started crying when the team was gone for Christmas as an example, but looking back on it he was pretty sure she was faking it. However, when she got back from being kidnapped, she started crying—for real—from the adrenaline letdown and less than five minutes later she was fine. One time that she didn’t calm down right away was after she had her first kill—after she let him back in, that is.

~~~~~~  
She was towards the end of her leave of absence, and she had texted Eric to come over—she was already crying and trying to calm herself down to no avail, but Eric didn’t know it at the time.  
“Bring wine and chocolate,” her text read, but soon after she sent an amendment: “Okay, I actually don’t care about the wine as long as you bring the chocolate.”  
Fifteen minutes later, he was at her door with a bottle of fruity wine in one hand and a 6-pack of Hershey bars in the other. “Sorry,” he said when she opened the door, “I didn’t get your second text until I had already left with the wine and chocolate.”  
She responded by crushing him in a hug and crying into his shirt for about 4 seconds before she remembered herself and invited him to sit on the couch.  
“Do you want me to pour you a glass of wine?” Eric asked when they were both seated. Nell shook her head, but reached for the pack of Hershey bars. Eric tore open the package, handed her a bar, and put the rest back on the table. Her fingers shook along with her breathing as she struggled with the wrapping on the chocolate bar. Once she got it open, she broke the bar in half and offered the other half to Eric.  
Most of the next hour or two was spent eating chocolate, drinking wine, Nell crying, and Eric stroking her hair. Eventually, Nell fell asleep while laying her head on Eric’s chest, and despite being uncomfortable, he didn’t want to risk moving in case he accidentally woke her up.  
~~~~~~

Once she woke up on her own, Nell all but explained to Eric how to comfort her when she cries. Thankfully, he didn’t need to use the Ultimate Guide to Cheering Up Nell (when she started vocalizing how she likes being comforted, that’s what she called it before they both started laughing at how big of nerds they are) until much later. Until today, actually. This morning, Sam’s wife, Michelle, was kidnapped. No one knows if she’s okay, and Nell is scared. The whole team is scared. But Nell is the only one of the team that’s not battle-hardened enough to be able to push their emotions aside during a case like this—well, the only one besides Eric, of course. When she came back up to Ops after informing Kensi and Deeks, she barely made it through the doors before Eric saw tears rolling down her cheeks.  
Before even Nell herself registered she was crying, Eric was standing up and pulling her in for a hug, stroking her hair and whispering “Breathe, it’s alright, let it out” over and over into her shoulder.  
She tried to speak, but only about every other syllable was understandable, so she took a few deep breaths. “I ju-st do-n’t kno-w…” Her sentence trailed off. “I do-n’t e-ven know-what I do-n’t know,” she said, a small laugh escaping her lips.  
Eric pushed the hair out of her face and wiped tears from under her eyes. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “Just relax, you’ll be fine. Once you can, I’ll be here to talk if you need to.”  
She was able to speak better after about a minute of taking deep breaths, but her voice still wasn’t quite as steady as normal. “It’s just—Michelle is one of the strongest people I know. She—I can’t believe—I know this is supposed to hurt Sam, but damn it, it’s hurting me too.”  
“I know, believe me,” Eric said soothingly, “it’s hurting us all. We’ll be okay. She’ll be okay. We just need to breathe.” Eric stepped out from the hug, keeping his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe with me, okay? In.” They both inhaled and held it for a two count. “Out.” They exhaled together. “In.” They inhaled again. “Out.” Another exhale. With each breath, Nell’s inhales and exhales became gradually less and less shaky.  
After a few more repetitions of that, Nell’s breathing stopped shaking entirely. “I think I’m better now,” she said after one last exhale.  
“Great. Let’s get back to work, shall we?”  
“We shall.” They both sat back down and continued to look for Michelle.

A few hours later, Eric dialed Callen’s cell number. “Callen, Kensi and Deeks think they found Michelle. Address is on your phone.”  
“Sam, they may have found her,” Callen said, and with that he and Sam ran out of the armory.  
While the rest of the team was out in the field, Eric and Nell were standing back in Ops, staring at Michelle’s unmoving image, hoping that she would soon be rescued. Just when Eric had started to think that maybe they hadn’t found the right place after all, the door to Michelle’s cell flew open.  
“Michelle! Oh my God,” Deeks breathed, rushing into view of the camera.  
“We got her, guys. We got her her,” Kensi said as she and Deeks began working on removing Michelle’s restraints.  
Nell and Eric breathed twin sighs of relief and gave each other a hug. Their happiness was short-lived, however, as they noticed Kensi’s brow furrowing, her fingers pressed hard against Michelle’s wrist. “No, no, no, please no,” she whispered, pressing her fingers down harder. “I can’t find a pulse,” she added louder.  
Eric heard Nell sniffle and felt her press her head into his side, but he couldn’t take his eyes from the screen. Still, he automatically put his arm around Nell’s shoulders. The next few minutes were a blur. Kensi tried to find Michelle’s pulse on her neck, she and Deeks put Michelle on her back and tried to give her CPR, the paramedics arrived, and they carried Michelle’s body out of the cell. Eric could barely hear what the paramedics were saying once they were outside the cell, but after he heard “Michelle Hanna” and “dead” in the same sentence, he quickly shut the feed off. Now that the video feed was off, he was acutely aware that Nell’s arms were tightly wrapped around his waist and her head was pressed into his chest. She wasn’t crying, but judging by her shaky breathing and how hard she was hugging him, she was trying extremely hard not to. Finally tearing his eyes away from the Ops screen, Eric faced Nell as best he could, given their current position. “I’m not even going to ask you if you’re okay, because I know you’re not. What I will say is that we will be okay, we will recover, and we’ll find Tahir and make him pay.”  
Tears started silently falling down Nell’s cheek as Eric spoke, and he found some tears making their way down his cheeks as well. Nell reached up to wipe his tears away as he reached down to wipe hers away. Nell let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t think the realization that she’s actually gone has quite hit me yet. It’s probably gonna hit me sometime tonight and I’m gonna cry for real.”  
“Whatever time it hits you, call me and I’ll be there.”  
“Or you could stay at my place and we can comfort each other.” Seeing the panicked look on Eric’s face, Nell added, “Come on Beale, you’ve slept at my house before.”  
More than slept, Eric thought, but he decided against saying it aloud; with The All-Knowing Hetty just downstairs, he figured saying that would be dangerous. Hetty probably already knew—or at least suspected—that they were dating, but since Nell hadn’t mentioned it, he probably shouldn’t either. “Fair enough,” he said instead. “It’s pretty late, should we head out now?”  
“Yeah, let’s go. Rock, paper, scissors; winner drives home?” Nell asked.  
“You’re on.” They both balled up one fist and rested it on the other palm. “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” they said in unison, both throwing out paper. “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” This time, they both threw rock. “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” Nell threw scissors and Eric threw rock again. He lightly tapped his fist on top of her fingers, grinning; having heard how Nell drove Deeks and Kensi’s Audi while sitting on top of a first aid kit, he was almost relieved to be the one to drive.  
“Shall we?” Eric asked, offering Nell his arm.  
“We shall,” Nell replied, linking her arm with Eric’s as they turned to leave Ops.

Once they got to Nell’s apartment, they almost immediately collapsed on her couch. “We should probably move to your bed so we can actually, you know, get up tomorrow,” Eric muttered, not even convincing himself to want to move.  
“You’re probably right, but…no, you’re right. We’ll both be more comfortable. Hell, you can’t even fit on this couch by yourself, much less with me here with you.”  
She had a point. He was lying flat on his back and had one leg and one arm mostly hanging off the couch, and despite Nell lying on her side, she was still partially on top of him. She stood up, and he followed shortly after. They walked together to the bathroom to brush their teeth. After they spent their first unplanned night at her apartment, he bought a toothbrush to keep at hers, and she did the same at his place. Nell put the toothpaste on her brush and passed the tube to Eric, who did the same, put the lid on, and put it on the counter by Nell. They brushed their teeth at the same time, taking turns rinsing their mouths at the one sink.  
After they finished, they changed into their pajamas and climbed into Nell’s bed, Eric leaving his glasses on the bedside table. They rolled over to face each other. “Goodnight, Nell,” Eric said.  
“Goodnight, Eric,” Nell replied, giving him a short, but still sweet, kiss.

At about 1:45am, Eric woke up to Nell sleepily punching him in the leg. “Huh?” he groaned, not even bothering to put his glasses back on.  
“Sorry,” Nell mumbled. “Just couldn’t fall back to sleep. Wanted to hold your hand, but…” Her voice trailed off, and Eric took her hand in his.  
“Don’t worry about it. You alright?”  
“Yeah, ‘m fine, just…” She squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”  
“So am I.” Eric kissed Nell’s cheek, and they both drifted back to sleep.

When he woke up for good in the morning, Nell was still sleeping. She was lying on her side, one leg across her body and resting between his legs, and her face pressed against his chest. How she was comfortable, Eric had no idea, but he decided not to question his girlfriend’s sleeping positions. He stayed lying on his back, unmoving, until Nell woke up a few minutes later. “Morning sleepyhead,” Eric said, his voice rough with sleep.  
“Morning,” Nell replied, pushing herself up to kiss him.  
“You okay after last night?”  
She sighed. “Honestly, probably not, but I’m better than I was. Before I woke you up in the middle of the night, it had really hit me that Michelle was gone. I wasn’t really sad; I was more upset that Tahir got away with it. I probably could’ve made it through the night, but I’m still glad you stayed. Thank you.”  
“No problem. Thank you for trusting me, not just tonight, but for the past seven years.”  
“You’re welcome.” They stayed in bed for a few more minutes, enjoying each other’s company, before getting ready to get back to work and take Tahir down.


End file.
